before i count sheeps...

i will leave on wednsday, but as always things get a bit busy before you leave for a holiday, so i just wanted to make sure i say goodbye for the time i am out of the country LOL.

as some, if not all of you, know i had a bit of a very weird and intense time and even if i might sound like i am fully back to normal, i am not. i can feel it deep down. there are things that are mixed up and that scare me. i need to sort that out. my friends and loved ones helped me a lot. but there are certain things i need to sort out alone. i know all of you would like to help me or watch over me, while i do so, but i hope that you people trust me enough to let me go that little bit of the road again. as always, i will get back to all of you. but for a short moment, i need to let go of all of your hands and walk.

i will count sheeps, write in my diary and listen to music. i will be a good boy and enjoy some of the great irish country side aswell. i will find the parts that got shattered somehow, or at least that is what i hope and why i leave. i love all of you and i thank you for your support and the trust and if i will get scared, i will just grab your hands again, but i know that only myself can fix this. i understood it finally and i really want that part of myself again. i did not lose it. it was taken away, but nobody has the right to take that away from anyone. and i am sick of being a victim. i want it back. and i hope i can find it in the rainy green of ireland. i should get some cool footballshirts aswell =P

so no need to miss me really, i will be back before you realised i am gone. but i also would like to beg you all to understand that this is just for me. and me alone.

i love you all. but i only love jess those many special ways =P

i will see you soon! have a nice summer, my friends!!!