When You're Gone ...

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie

Is made up on your side

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

I never felt this way before

Everything that I do

Reminds me of you

And the clothes you left

They lie on the floor

And they smell just like you

I love the things that you do

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Guess what?!

I was going to share my SFC pics with you, but now I am caught up watching the first 17 minutes of ...

PRISON BREAK - SEASON 3

EDIT: Bunny wubs Sara ... but poor poor Bunny in that evil prison :-(

All alone ...

Today is my first day alone.

I went to the doctor because my hayfever and my sinuses have been sending me insane for a couple of weeks. I also wanted to go and get my needle. And then I also have the excema on my face that needs to be checked out etc. Just do it all at once.

So I went there and sat for ages in the waiting room waiting for my turn. I was on time, they were not. I took my football magazine - the one I got when I left Germany. Yes, it is in German, but everytime I pick it up, I understand more and more of it, so I like that. Only thing was they were like half an hour late and I just got tired and for me it takes a lot of concentration to read German, but it gets easier.

The doctor called me in and we had a nice chat about my time away and he has been to Germany and he did German at school. Yep. There you go.

I told him about my hayfever and he said that the medicine he gave me a few months back - the nasal spray - it works for some people one time and they never have it again, or they have it in a few years, or they have it in a few months or they have to have it all the time. So I am one of those people who need it on a regular basis to help me. He checked everything else out and then gave me a script for it, it costs a lot he said (I knew that from last time, but he gave me the script for the bigger bottle so it will cost more), but I said I was having to buy those tablets all the time, so this was no different and actually in the end it works out cheaper. I have to take it for a month and then see how that goes and maybe I just try and reduce how much of it I use and then the days I have to take it etc ... so really I just have to be on it for a good long time really and then make up my own way that I need it.

Then he brings up the needle for the cervical cancer. I said I had come in for that too, but didn't know if I could have it. He said that I can. He got it and I got the needle. My arm hurts *cries*

I told him about my face and he looked at it under the light. I said I was using cream for it. He says that acne treatment works well for things like that, even though it is not acne. So now I am on one tablet a day for that. And in 2 months time we check it and if it is working, I stay on it, if not, then I change to something else, but it is a long term haul.

So back again in 2 months for that, but then it is good because I have to go back and get my 2nd cancer needle in 2 months, I can do it on the same day. I booked it today even and the lady said I can have any time I like ... we all know me and decision making ... I told her 11am was good.

At the chemist, it cost me $71 to get all my things. Hooray. Well, what do I care when I am going to not have to feel like shit all the time.

I went to the new thai place and I got lunch. Spring Rolls and Chicken with Chilli Jam and Cashew Nuts and Rice Noodles. Mmmmmmmmm rice noodles.

AND

I got my Justin tickets today HOORAY. The first show sold out and I had to have a cry (well, I got one silver shit ticket for myself), but they opened the 2nd one and I got the tickets!!!!!!!

Tonight is the footy. First game of the season - HOORAY!!! - I will take pics and I will blog it. I am very excited like a silly little girl, but it will be some fun.

My arm hurts. Needles are evil.

before i count sheeps...

i will leave on wednsday, but as always things get a bit busy before you leave for a holiday, so i just wanted to make sure i say goodbye for the time i am out of the country LOL.

as some, if not all of you, know i had a bit of a very weird and intense time and even if i might sound like i am fully back to normal, i am not. i can feel it deep down. there are things that are mixed up and that scare me. i need to sort that out. my friends and loved ones helped me a lot. but there are certain things i need to sort out alone. i know all of you would like to help me or watch over me, while i do so, but i hope that you people trust me enough to let me go that little bit of the road again. as always, i will get back to all of you. but for a short moment, i need to let go of all of your hands and walk.

i will count sheeps, write in my diary and listen to music. i will be a good boy and enjoy some of the great irish country side aswell. i will find the parts that got shattered somehow, or at least that is what i hope and why i leave. i love all of you and i thank you for your support and the trust and if i will get scared, i will just grab your hands again, but i know that only myself can fix this. i understood it finally and i really want that part of myself again. i did not lose it. it was taken away, but nobody has the right to take that away from anyone. and i am sick of being a victim. i want it back. and i hope i can find it in the rainy green of ireland. i should get some cool footballshirts aswell =P

so no need to miss me really, i will be back before you realised i am gone. but i also would like to beg you all to understand that this is just for me. and me alone.

i love you all. but i only love jess those many special ways =P

i will see you soon! have a nice summer, my friends!!!

For My Twister ...

Just wanted to put these up for you =)

Oscar's EVIL Times on the Plane!

Me watching EVIL plane tv ... there is EVIL Justin!!!


Me in EVIL Bangkok after they tried to kill me! Here is the EVIL plane!

Yes! Yes! Long live the king! The EVIL king! ME *EVIL laugh*

Oscar's EVIL Times in Dubai

Some EVIL times ...

Me and some EVIL Arabic Coke

Me and my EVIL friend Johnny with EVIL Arabic Coke

Me doing EVIL shopping at EVIL Dubai Airport

I don't have a good title sorry!

Being a mod on SP you sometimes have to do jobs that take a long time and can be rather boring and tedious. One such thing is doing the thread that has the player profiles in it. As I am the mod for the Sydney FC forum, this job is left up to me and my creative abilities. While the job can be boring and take a long time, the end of it produces something that resembles a work of art and I usually get a great sense of accomplishment. That is however at the end of it all. Right now I am in the middle of the boring part.

At least I thought it was boring until I went to find the new squad pics. Now, some of them just have a stupid face and why would one want to giggle at that? But now this ...

... that gave me a good laugh. I mean, I knew the other day he had grown his hair back (should not have as it was better shaved) but this pic is weird. I do not even think it looks so much like him as it looks like a moron ... Oh dear ... Well, I am sure his mum likes it.

I also decided that I must have one of the new shirts ... ooops ... I said I would not get one, but now I think I really do want it. The stripes are just cool. Now all I need to decide is who to get on the back ...

EDIT: Oh!!! I think I figured it out! It could not be just the hair, I think he is losing that little baby look to his face ... interesting ... And Ruben, please get rid of your hair before next weekend. Thank you.

Things ...

My David Beckham tickets came in the post. I am going with my mum and dad and we have really good seats! =D

AND today I heard that the one and only Mr Headbutt himself, Zizou, is considering lining up with my team for that game. Just a one off guest appearance. I mean, how fucking cool would that be to see that??? Oh, I am just so glad and grateful that I got my tickets and then went and splashed out and got the good ones.

Justin Timberlake announced his Aussie tour! HOORAY! And it is going to be a 360 degree stage, so that should be something interesting. He will play at the same place that I went to see Westlife.

Only problem is that the tickets cost $150 to be in gold (like where I sat for WL) and $100 for silver. I am weary that silver is going to give me some shit seat and then I will be sad for being such a scab with my money and not spending $50 to have a better view. The good thing though is that it is all reserves seating so no matter where I choose, I will have a seat. I will have to see who will come with me and what they are willing to pay. I bet I end up going alone ...

The footy starts again this weekend. That is at least something to look forward to, I guess. I do not know, it sort of all gets shoved to the background lately. And in a coupel of weeks time the A-League will begin again and I will get the excuse to get out of the house and go and hit people with Lucas.

I got invited to my friend's birthday thing. It is just a small gathering in a cafe, but still ... I will go. I told her that I would. I am allowed to bring a friend. And person I would want to take is not around, so I will go by myself. The footy is on before then, so I will go from the footy to the place. I will be there a bit after she said, but I would like to go to the footy and she said that is okay.

I miss going to the footy. Even though when I am there it is too cold and my team sucks and people stand in front of me on the stairs and I get annoyed at them ... "oops, did I wave my flag and hit you???"

I have 4 new goldfish. Allie is dark orange with some black on her tail, Noah is light orange and he has beautiful fins, Dots is white with black spots and the other one is just white (it looks creepy cos it has black eyes). I know, Daniel, you wanted to name him Pale, but my mum wants to give it a name and so I guess Pale will end being something else. I just wish she would name him because it is not nice to leave him for so long without a name. How are his friends supposed to call him???

Testing ...

Just trying a few things out with the backgorund is all. And no worries, I can put it back to the one we had before at any time, I just wanted to have a bit of a play.

:)

Have a nice day!

More Memories

As promised... more memories...

Jess and Captain Iglu?

Going to Kapstadt... ?

Anyone seen that girl before?

Aww, the loooove hat...

Alonso vs Hamilton

Sunflowers ...

For the one to whom will understand what this picture means ...

R.I.P little fishes ...

For my little fish, I hope that wherever you may be now that you are safe and happy. I am sorry that I could not look after you the way that you wanted and needed.

To the 2 that are left ... Daniel and Peixe ... I know Peixe that you are sick and I am sorry. I will try and save you, but I have the feeling that it might be just too late. To my big fishie Daniel, I am so glad that you grew big and strong, I know that you will be okay. I will save you for sure. I will clean your tank and then I will buy you some new friends. I am sorry if your gf will die, I will try and save her, I know you will be heartbroken without her, but maybe you could learn to love again. I do not expect you to. And I do not blame you if you would wish to join her to wherever she would go.



On another note ... Daniel, my love, please do not worry. There is nothing to be afraid of, there are people that are going to take good care of you. I know you worry that they will hurt you, but they will not, they are good people, I made sure of it.

I know that I have hurt you. I hurt you so much that this has happened and I would do anything to make it be okay. You asked me what list that I would be on and I will leave that decision up to you, I am not the one who can make a call like that. What I said to you was very wrong and I know that you will never forget it.

And when you feel like you are ready to make the decision of what you want to do with me, then I am ready and waiting to listen to you. I was the straw that broke the camel's back, I know it and for that I am very sorry. And I am also sorry that I cannot make this decision for you, but when you make it, I will respect it.

I know that I am not worthy of your love or forgiveness, but that is not for me to decide. My only wish for you is that you will feel better soon. I hope that you will feel better and be better and be the happy Daniel that you were before. I am sorry for taking that away from you, but I will do anything to give that back to you. If there is anything that you would want or need, then all you need to do is say it and it will be done to the very best of my ability.



And if anyone needs me, then you know where I am. And thank you for all your support, it really does mean a lot to me, most certainly when I know that this is all my fault. I will do anything you ask of me.

I will try my best to be good and be okay. I cannot look after my boyfriend or my fish or myself, but I will be okay, so no worries :-)

deserved

as some of you know, i was always the bad boy. in school. at home. with friends. i was the rebel without or with a cause. i did many things i regert now when i look back. and others i still did not understand the consequences. for my entire life i was looking at people and blaming them for turning me into what i am today. i was looking for excuses why all of that had to happen to me. i just assumed it were those people and not me. like i did not deserve to be treaten that way. like i was a good boy deep down and people just did not see it. i blamed everyone but me.
last night it just clicked. it has never been them. it was me all the time. some people are like little angles. without the wings. they bring out the best in people. being around them makes you feel better and you do things you never thought you were capable to do. my grandma was such a person. she was the most amazing person i have ever met in my entire life. she was good from the heart and all her soul. she saw so many bad things happening, but she never once lost her faith. her faith in other people. and she tried to protect me. when i was with her i felt so safe and good. like i was worth something and i was loveable. i never met a person like her ever after she passed away. with her the good things died. i never said "thank you" enough. i just hope she knew how much she meant to me.
those people are hard to find in the world. they do not show off like others. they just pop in your life and safe you from something bad. you don´t even know that in that very moment. it all just happens later, when you realised back then you could have gone down the wrong road. those people are really special. i do not know if i will ever meet such a person again.
i thought i did. but as i realise now, i was wrong. i was very wrong. things like that often happen to me. they always did. maybe i am blind. colorblind in a way. like color blind people can´t see green or red. and maybe i am too blind to see the peoples true intentions. maybe i am blind to the bad, because i am bad myself. i am one of the people who brings out the very bad in other people. even the soft hearted people get poisend by me. and then i go around and look for others to blame, when the blame should be placed on me and me alone. i made my family be what they are now. and i realised and accepted it now. finally. i want to apologise at my mum and dad for blaming them for everything that they did to me when i was younger. i know i was a bad kid and it was all my fault. i know that during my youth i met some people who were good guys and i lead them down the wrong way and they ended so much worse than they would have without me in their lives.
every single time people hurt me, i deserved it and the excuses i made up were evil lies i found to not face the fact that the answer is so simple. i bring out the bad in people. i am like some weird way of bad force. like i poison their soul and heart. i steal their good sides. and i do not even know why i do it. there is no reason i do it. till last night i did not even know i did it. but now it lies so crystal clear in front of me. its all right there.
in case someone reads this, i apologise for doing that to you, if i did. i will find a way to stop doing it. but till i do, i know i deserve all the pain and hurt i have to feel for being who i am. i will not pull up a fight, i will let you hit and hurt me. i am tired of fighting against it and since i realised the truth behind it, i also accept that there is no reason to fight.
it is easier to hurt some people and i am one of them. the difference is, i deserve it. different from other people. different from the people i lead down the bad road. i am very scared of the last option to stop it. i will look for other ways, but if in the end that is the only way of breaking the bad, i will do it. i know i deserve it. its a weird feeling of cold peace to accept it finally.
it was my mistake to trust people and let them close and give them access to all parts of my sould and weakness. without knowing i was poisoning them aswell. i opened them a place to stick their knives in many times. and as i know, the inside died many weeks ago. maybe months or years. its dead flesh that you see at the butcher. it is not the pain of the knife anymore. it is the pain of the fact that people i trusted and loved do it with a smile on their face. but then again it makes me realise i am a piece of shit and scum. i do deserve every single pain and hurt. as for ´now, i can´t take it. but i will. feel free to hurt me, i will give in to it. i deserve it.

Sharing ...

I wanted to share this with you ...

Can miles truly separate you from friends...

If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?

Richard Bach

Thoughts, I Guess ...

From what it appears in the post before this one, it would appear that I posted such thing as "love stinks". I did post something there, but it was not that. I did however come back here to post something, but upon seeing my supposed post, I really begin to wonder what I should be doing.

At the present time I am not even sure what to be thinking. I also feel like my jetlag has hit an all time high, or could it be a low. I am tired all the time, but yet I cannot sleep. It is making me feel all light-headed and today I even got to lose my appetite somewhere. My muscles are weak and I find it sometimes hard to do anything much at all. Somehow I wonder if it is that I am coming down with something or if I really just need to take some sleeping pills and not wake up for a week.

Someone I hold very close to my heart once told me that it is the things that one says to others in private that always do the most damage and the things that are said on things like blogs are just false and full of bullshit. I would like to say that yes, some of the things that are said on blogs are just full of shit, but not everything is that way. Some of the things really so come from the heart and do mean a great deal to the people who wrote them down.

And I would also like to point out that the things in private are not so much the things that cause the most damage, they are the things that mean the most to us. They can mean the most in either a good way or in a bad, which means that yes, they are the things that can cause the most hurt, but they are also the things that can cause the most joy.

I did not come here to write anything for a particular reason, I just came here to write. I cannot sleep and I am so full of so many different emotions that I really should just go ahead and write it and get it out. Maybe then I can finally get some sleep before I have to go to work, although I do not hold a lot of hope in that.

Today is a somewhat joyous occassion as it marks not only 18 months since Daniel and I began our journey together, but also 22 months since the day that we first met. It is funny because, I still remember that day in October like it was almost yesterday and how time flies to think of all the many things that have happened in the middle to get us to the point that we are at today.

However, being that I have ruined any hope or chance of a celebration of said occassion, I will instead be reflecting upon myself as a human being as well as the relationship. Mostly because myself as a human being is what is having a direct impact upon the current situation within said relationship. If it would not have been for me, we would not have ended where we are.

And while to some it may seem like nothing at all, just a passing phase, to me it seems to be like the end of the whole world. Everything that I have known and loved and built up is starting to come crashing down around me and there is very little that I can do about it. It is not within my control to stop it or save it, I am the creator of this mess and only when the storm has passed and the ruins lay all around me will I gain any sense of control back in order to start to clean it up - if I ever would or could.

I do not think that love stinks. I do think that love hurts, but only because when one loves another so much, there is no way that it possibly could not hurt. And the hurt does not always have to be in a bad way, but in the way that if you would love them anymore, then you would explode. When it hurts in the bad way, it is because we are so close to the other person that we become so vunerable to every little thing that they say or do or feel that it becomes easier to both hurt and be hurt.

I myself do so much of the first thing that I wonder how I even live my life. I wonder how it is that I would be with someone so fantastic and then just want to throw it all away. I constantly make mistakes, I trip over, I stumbe, I fall, I go and hurt people ... I wonder how many mistakes it is that one gets to make before one fails? I must be nearing the failure line at the rate that I am going.

On a good day I would see and think and believe that I am a person who is actually worthy of being loved, but at times like these I wonder why anyone would ever even think of loving me at all. Loving me must be the hardest job in the world and yes, it is a job because I cannot see why anyone would take it up willingly if they knew the hell that I would cause within their life.

I suppose there is actually only one person here who would ever know how hard it is and the million kinds of hell that I can place upon any one person. In fact, there has only ever been one person my whole life who would know its many depths. I doubt that anyone would ever want to see it or know it or experience it. I suppose that is why there has only ever been one special person, everyone else just didn't even bother to look my way.

Daniel, I don't think or expect that you would read this, but if you do, then I would like to apologise to you. I want to say sorry for imposing the hell that is me and my life upon you. You do not deserve any little part of that torture and hell and I can see why it would make you so upset. I know that being with me is not easy at all and yet somehow you have still wanted to be around, even after all this time.

I am not going to ask for you to forgive me for anything that I have done. I know that I would not forgive myself and I never will. You have every right to feel the way that you do towards me, but all I ask is that you do not take my faults and mistakes out upon yourself and other people.

I do not know what I did to deserve you, but somewhere along the bumpy road of my life, I must have done something good. Unfortunately, you do not deserve me and all the shit that I put you through, you deserve so much better than all of this. I thank you for spending 669 days with me through everything that has come our way. The wish that is deep in my heart is that I could keep the count going and one day when we are old then you would read to me the story of the ranger and the princess, but I will leave that up to you.

No matter what happens, I will never ever stop loving you. Not even for a second.

love stinks

Memories

Moments from Stuttgart to the Holiday Park - Part I

Stuttgart - Main Station... exit to the left in the direction of travel...

Sad and Sadder on the train

Raincoats are so damn sexy...

Look Daniel, real snow!

So fu**ing cold - in July

You spin me right round, babyright round like a record, baby

Right round round roundYou spin me right round, baby

Welcome to the MiAmGaNi

The famous... Mams and Paps... looking friendly

American Donuts anyone?

Wanna take a ride in my jeep?

Calamity Beans

Right round like a record, babyRight round round round

Holiday Park - a typical family day

The holiday park was one of the last stations on our Twister Tour. I only was there twice before in my life. When I was a little kid and then again some years ago with the Monkeys, Joe, Marco, Jonny and Annett. But since the weather back then tried to ruin everything - but our fun LOL - I was looking forward for a nicer weather this time.

Friday was nice weather, so I had hopes when Jess, me and evil Oscar left Stuttgart by train to get to Haßloch. The place you have to see when you´re in Germany LOL Anyway, it would be fun. My parents jumped in, since they don´t have to pay, being Haßloch citizens and all. Lucky them.
The weather started bad. We also thought about giving Jess a clean hattricks with "Sea Life", but then Mams got us really ugly rain capes and we were ready to go. At this point I just want to say I am happy she did not wear that ugly pink hat!!! But at least we would be safe in case the rain woudl try and ruin our day.

But as soon as we arrivd and paid 24 €, the sund started to come out more and more and we got out of our raincoats. Thank god. Good thing every journey with my Mum starts with a trip to the toilet. So we got past the little train and the Freefall Tower, deciding that the train was a much better idea then the Tower. But first we wanted to check a bit around. Finding snow on the way and some boats that landed on our list of the "To do" things.

I wanted to be super cool, getting in the front of the little trains, forgetting the fact that it was actually really high. But too late. I was up there and the train started moving. Jess was right behind me, Mams and Paps in the following wagons.
On a sidenote, I would like to add that it was really nice to see my parents having a nice family day out again together. They seemed to enjoy it a lot. My Dad even wanted to have a ride on those "Teufelsfässer" but we had too many donuts! LOL Maybe next time?
Going with the train we saw some cool looking flower duck and all. And some very scary butterflys or grinning corn. I loved it how Jess and I went "You this side, me this side!" and of we went ... happy snappy!

It was a nice opener and it would be the end of the day aswell. After the train we kept looking for the little boats, but we came along the "flying Pavillion" and when I saw it, I thought that would be nice. Before we got on there I did something I always wanted to do, just to see if I could do it at all.
Everybody knows that stuff you can shoot at the funfair. Guys always shot roses for the ladies, like "Look, I am a man." I know my brother is pretty good at it. So I just wanted to see if I can do it aswell. And what a surprise, I am actually really good at it, hehe. So then after my little "Calamaty Jane" moment, my Mum, Jess and I got on the flying Pavillion, watching the world go round and round and round, while Paps decided to just stay down there, where it was saver. I guess that was the first funfair attraction I went on with my Mum in more than 10 years. How time flies by...
After that we found the boats and had a nice little trip down the "MiAmGaNi" as I call it. Its a mix of the Mississippi, the Amazonas, the Ganges and the Nil... ehehe, smart, huh?
I would say we had a great time. I can´t remember all the details. I know we saw the water ski show, I really liked it. But that was after the rain *Jess and myself got really cool seats*. Before the rain we saw some people flying up that "Lighttower" that I would never get on, even if someone would promise me Luis Figo.
Oh oh! The donuts!!! Right! We went to the G-force rollercoaster, just to watch the insane people getting on it, while we had a coke and tasty american donuts! That was soooo tasty! I know that evil Oscar took his pic with the rollercoaster people in the background.
Then the rain started and we run off to "Burg Falkenstein" where we arrived before the rain really started. That was really good, because we arrived dry! Hooray for us! Jess kept asking if it is scary and I kept saying no. But, tbh, when we got in those little wagons, it was indeed a bit scariere then I remember it from back then LOL We had some good laughs at the boobs groping guy! And the couple in the bed "Oops, the room is burning... quick..." AHAHAHA
During that, the rain was really bad, but we did not care, we ended in some casino for kids thing. And I have three words for you: "Hit. The. Crabs." What a fun! After Jess beat me at the "Shoot" stuff. But then again, so did my Dad. Can someone explain me, why we ended with just 25 points??? Well, anyway, I have a pencil with a football! Yes. I do.
Off we went to see the Waterski show. It was pretty funny. "Hola" Little insider. That blonde chick was a bit annoying. And if anyone can explain me why there was an alien... anyway. Nice to watch. Some cool pics!

Then we went and walked around a little, watching stuff, buying Daniel and Brian and our super cool mood rings aka "I am very happy" and I remember Jess being a witch and me being "lovestoned" AHAHAHA! Oh those were the days. And and and... we found Michael. Yep, we so did. I even took a pic of him. I only missed Alan Smith. Damn it.
Then we went in another casino style to drive a car race... but Jess can not "drive with stick" so we changed cars and found ourselves in a sexy Formula One race. I remember Jess saying "Oh, I can see you!" and then a red car slammed my side... mhm... I won. But we both won actually, because we had some fun. And we are very cool race buddies. *respect*
After that we went back to the Freefall Tower just to watch one of the World Premieres of a laser, movie, fog, media thingy of "Mother nature" telling us how dancing people have sex and stuff. Or did I miss something? The laser show was really cool. All that fire and stuff. It was just cool. We all enjoyed it and I think it is one of the highlights for sure.
Ending the trip as we started. With the little train. It was a lot of fun. I want to say thanks to my parents and to my Twister for that really wonderful day. I so hope we can go back there one day and eat more donuts, hotdogs and take more pics of evil Oscar!

Not Quite Lost ...

Well, the other day ... Sunday night in Germany time ... I got onto the plane in Frankfurt. Before reaching said plane, I had to meet the chatty passprot control man who asked me what I had been doing and why and then asked me where I had been I said Stuttgart and he said "oooh, expensive". I think he was jealous.

I got stuck waiting in the line to get my bags checked behind this giant-sized family who happened to be very pushy. I had wanted to buy a water for the plane, but oh no, no time for that, so I just got on, it was only going to be 6 or so hours until I was in Dubai anyway.

Not such a bad flight tbh. I watched some movie with Sandra Bullock ... The Premonition I think it was called. Such a great film, I really reccommend it. I mean, it is sad and all because she loses her husband (do not worry, I do not ruin anything for you) and it is all about how she knows iut will happen etc etc. I am a big Sandra Bullock fan, so maybe that is why I liked it LOL. After the movie, I went dor dor.

Arrived in Dubai. It is always so damn hot there! Cannot say it would not be nice and the way that they keep showing me pics of those nice pools I happen to know that I want to holiday there. Next year, I have now successfully convinced my boyfriend and Twister to come with me ... any more takers???

Did some duty-free shopping in Dubai. Got my water, cost me only 30 Aussie cents! (That is 20 cents to you Germans). Also, my can of Coke cost that too ... Oscar and Johnny have a nice pic with the Coke they said I shall show you. I have still to upload it yet.

Got on the plane in Dubai and was sat at the front of economy, but in the middle, then again, who so much cares when you get all that extra leg room ... mmm leg room is sooooo good! ... The guy next to me was old and he smelt like old man smell, it made me feel sick after a while. Ewww. The other person next to me was a mum and her kid and husband were in the seats across the aisle. The kid was a little sweetie, she talked to me, well, you know, how 2 year olds try and talk to people. I gave her paper for her pencils, she thought I was the shit LOL.

I watched lots of movies and tv. I saw TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), Shrek the Third, Spiderman 3, Walk The Line, Disturbia, Prison Break, JT and Mika video clips ... as you can tell, I hardly slept at all.

Thing is, we were going along just fine until they told us to put our seatbelts on out of nowhere, but as it came on we hit some bad turbulance and even the crew was told to sit. We had some bumps and then those little bumps of the air pockets, nothing too bad you know, had it all before, then suddenly the plane just dropped. And that was no joke, the scariest moment of my life, I honestly thought the plane would fall out of the sky - as I think most other people on the plane did. It looked, no joke, like part of the plance scene in LOST. The plane dropped, the lights went out, people and every object went flying all over the place. Some people got injured. People screamed and then the plane stabilised and there was this deathly silence like we all waited for the fire or the plane to crash in half and we all drown in some ocean.

At the time I was watching Prison Break. I could even show you the exact point in the episode that it happened. It was in the last episode of the first season. I stopped watching it after that. I took more travel sick tablets to try and calm me down, but they did not help much, I was shaking so much for over half an hour. I put on WTL and somehow managed to calm myself down again. I should say sorry to my bear Johnny, I think he has never been squeezed so hard in his whole life. Poor little guy. Sorry Johnny!!!

All I could think of was the things that I still wanted to do and the people waiting for me and how I might not ever get to see them again ... It was just so bad. It has taken me a while to calm down over it to the point that I am okay with it.

I just wanted to get of that plane so bad. They let us off at Bangkok for like 10 minutes. Then we got back on and went home. I didn't sleep so much really. I was not really in the mood for it. It took me ages to even want to close my eyes again, even when I was at home. It is okay now.

Well, that is my LOST experience. No Sawyer, sadly, but he was in Konstanz LOL. And I liked that I had my footy magazine to read - yes it was in German and I do not care because I can understand a fair bit of it on my own. I think the guy next to me thought I was mental because I kept looking at it and playing with the stickers and doing Bundesliga sudoku - it was easy btw, Twister!

Oscar wants me to show you his pics and tell you how evil he is, but right now, I am getting sleepy being that I was up all last night and I did not even have a nap today ... I will do it later on.

Hope you all have a good time. And do not worry, I am safe here.